I have reasons for my madness. Idiot. Why doesn't anyone listen? Why say anything anymore, I'm just a bad person who doesn't know anything, so it seems. But why say it if i don't know the answer. Confusion. 1/2 family thinks i'm a disgrace, other 1/2 thinks i dont know what i'm talking bout therefore i'm evil and dont understand them or what their going through. WTF!?

Why does one person need so many email account? i never understood that. Is it really for security purposes or is it to feel good, you know, getting so many email left and right that it make whoever feel important. What the deal? Some one help me understand. all i got is one main email address that i use. I dont remember the passwords for the other ones i just said forget it. So I worry about one. What am I missing. Should I have multiple ones too, for safety? 

So I'm Lagging... Nothing really new. Photography class is awesome. It has always been something that has interested me esp. in the film development portion. I'm slowing getting better. Over the past few days I was able to help a puppy find a new home and was disappointed that after they force her and I to have get the surgery to be spayed, they claimed that she had some sort of brain problem, she couldnt eat, or walk straight. I was furious by that call and unfortunately had to let it be.

Sitting in the kitchen, with a bowl full of left over cake mix. I am staring out into the backyard and listening to beethoven, what next? Why is cake mix really good? The combination of Beethoven: Symphony #6 In F - Allegro Ma Non Troppo and eating left over cake mix, while feeling the air come from the open window as it cools the kitchen from the ovens warmth and the sun shining thru that window and coming in at a certain angle is so blissful. Why cant everyday be like this? Just as calm and just as peaceful.

Brain Circles and Confusion

Really now i cant figure what to write. My brain is being tossed back and forth and i cant sleep to my amazement I am wide awake. Its really funny how my brain works. For Example when i get really sleepy I become really talkative or my eyeballs become ready to pop out of their sockets at any moment, time slows to a snail's pace and I feel like a Zombie all at the same time. Then when I am awake I don't feel BUT look like a Zombie, I dont really do any thing, just kinda slump around where ever I go Except when I am in a good mood. When I'm in a good mood its like a monkey who just drank a red bull or something less sarcastic. Thats just half of it... when Something is bothering I really don't know what to do. It will take me decades just to think of something that might help make the situation less complicated. Sometimes the littlest thing will trigger this memory or whatever it is stored in the back of my brain but i will have absolutely no clue what is bothering. I just all over the place. 

At the very least I try not to think so much, its so much better than filling my head with worries and such. After really long time I just learned to accept certain things, I kinda popped myself out of wonderland and brought myself back to reality. Like people say "the truth hurts". There are somethings that you or anyone else cant change, its just the way things are. If that makes any sense at all. 

Pick yourself up

Life has its ups and downs, I know, I have a bit of the both. I fell and picked myself back up, going from seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist, taking anti-depressants and so on, I am proud to say that I can now make myself happy without help from others. I don't need medication or doctors rephrasing everything I say to them. All I need is sunshine, exercise, the moon to stare at, a good book, some food and my dog Empress. haha... and i guess that friends would be good every now and then. having people to is a good way to keep yourself in reality. Sleep would be another good thing to go with all the fun stuff. =)

Did you know that our body acts like a clock. yup yup. the less light that touches are eyes lets one know that its sleepy time and the more light that are eyes or body takes in the more we stay awake. thats why in order to develop a good sleeping habit when u wake up in the morning u shud open the blinds or windows and when you go to sleep its better to sleep in complete darkness

 

Hello To Me

hello... I'm new and have no idea what I'm doing hopefully some day I will have a clue but until then I'm clueless.